The stories we tell ourselves
A friend of mine gently confronted me the other day about a story I’ve been telling, and retelling myself about why I can’t accomplish several professional goals I’ve set, but haven’t been able to get much traction on.
We all have stories we tell ourselves and that we believe with all our hearts–to our own detriment.
I’m dyslexic, too old, too young, too dumb, under-qualified, overqualified, don’t have time, can’t find a partner, don’t have the money.
The stories start out as simple and perfectly logical explanations for why we can’t get married, write a book, learn an instrument, travel to India, start a social movement, change our brand, start a new venture. Our minds, slave to fear and resistance, craft entire narratives around these excuse to keep us from getting off our duffs and taking action.
The stories we tell about other people
Did you hear about Rowena? She’s having an affair with her best friend Sally’s husband. I think we should say something to Sally.
Gossip is storytelling as its juiciest–and potentially most harmful. On the surface, it’s fun. Some of us get a twisted sense of superiority, talking about other people’s lives. Gossip fills empty airtime and makes it seem like I’m having real conversation, when in fact I’m attempting to connect with the person in front of me at another person’s expense. Yuck.
Funny thing, the stories we’d be better off without are usually lies, or at best half-truths. But we want to believe them. They’re intriguing or convenient, or they give us the illusion of connection or safety.
But we can rewrite these stories.
For example: Kindness and presence of mind, not gossip, create authentic human connection. Or how about a new narrative that shows us we’re capable of far more than the past or financial situations seem to dictate. In fact, we can add create that new product line, expand into new markets, or redefine our personal brand so that it’s more honest, and more meaningful.
What story would you like to rewrite?

Following is a slightly edited version of a post I wrote in March 2010. It focuses on CEO blogs written for internal stakeholders at large companies, but it also applies to executives at small and medium-size companies who use–or want to use–blogging to communicate their ideas to staff, partners and other audiences.
In my
What if I told you the most successful brand stories correspond with common genres in fiction? And that these storytelling
If you’re like me, you get email newsletters virtually every day of the week. Some I trash unopened, some I know I will read word for word, and others I open to see if they’re worth my time.
Last week, on the eve of the 10th anniversary of 9-11, the stories were everywhere it seemed. It was a time for reflection, grieving, and perspective.
I’m a sucker for cool yoga wear. I’m also a seeker of less earthly possessions, like inner peace and better relations with my fellows. lululemon knows this about me. They also know that there’s nothing like a cute pair of yoga shorts to ease the torture of dripping sweat and pretzeled limbs during, say, Eagle Pose (see
In the first season of “Mad Men,” Don Draper, the creative director at Sterling Cooper, the New York advertising agency at the heart of the TV series; is asked to present to Kodak, a new client.
Raymond Carver’s famous short story, “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love,” tracks two couples having drinks over the course of an afternoon in one of the couple’s homes. The conversation begins on a happy not but by sunset things have gotten ugly. The booze has taken hold and problems between the lovers, previously swept under the rug, have come to light. The happy couples finish their evening in misery.
I’m hard at work on the second novel and a number of client projects. Still, there’s always time to dream up new books I’d like to write.